inside time

     On the outside I can be carefree and happy. Inside can be a different story.

     Inside I am happy too. but other things live inside along with happiness.

     Sometimes inside I am so overwhelmed by life.
 I don't think it's just me though. I think that feeling overwhelmed is pretty common. I feel like I don't have enough time.

       It's as if I am just beginning to understand life and how precious and short it is. Every day I am reminded. Reminded by people. The oncoming of an illness, the passing of  a life, the choice to disolve a relationship, the neglect of affections, loving, nurturing love. Time, tick tocking away. So much to do. Busy with just getting getting through a day.  All sorts of things to take up our time. Work, committments, eating, exercising, sleeping, chores, family, friends, socializing, bathing, grooming, hobbies, pleasures  . . . there is no end. No end until our personal clock runs out. Each person's battery runs on it's own time.

      I want to relax and be happy and float through life, but that's not how it goes. I think about the past, why I did the things I did, and why I couldn't, wouldn't, or didn't see the clarity of life before. Would I do things differently?
      Is courage as much a part of life as wisdom? Which has to come first?

       Clarity comes everyday to me. And some of it has been a long time coming. I have to be patient for that life clarity to come to the ones I love and care about. It is a progressive life for all of us. Sometimes it would be nice if the revelations all came to us at the same time. A Kumbaya experience. But they don't. So while I wait for that time to come to those I love, I must be patient. Because others have waited for it to come to me.

      And even though I don't see it clearly yet, there is still so much that life has to teach me. I hope I have the time.