Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Is there someone in your life that you can confide absolutely everything to?
No omissions, no sugar coating, no judgements. Be able to be open and expose it all to them. EVERYTHING?
Can they do the same with you?

Sunday, July 18, 2010

inside time

     On the outside I can be carefree and happy. Inside can be a different story.

     Inside I am happy too. but other things live inside along with happiness.

     Sometimes inside I am so overwhelmed by life.
 I don't think it's just me though. I think that feeling overwhelmed is pretty common. I feel like I don't have enough time.

       It's as if I am just beginning to understand life and how precious and short it is. Every day I am reminded. Reminded by people. The oncoming of an illness, the passing of  a life, the choice to disolve a relationship, the neglect of affections, loving, nurturing love. Time, tick tocking away. So much to do. Busy with just getting getting through a day.  All sorts of things to take up our time. Work, committments, eating, exercising, sleeping, chores, family, friends, socializing, bathing, grooming, hobbies, pleasures  . . . there is no end. No end until our personal clock runs out. Each person's battery runs on it's own time.

      I want to relax and be happy and float through life, but that's not how it goes. I think about the past, why I did the things I did, and why I couldn't, wouldn't, or didn't see the clarity of life before. Would I do things differently?
      Is courage as much a part of life as wisdom? Which has to come first?

       Clarity comes everyday to me. And some of it has been a long time coming. I have to be patient for that life clarity to come to the ones I love and care about. It is a progressive life for all of us. Sometimes it would be nice if the revelations all came to us at the same time. A Kumbaya experience. But they don't. So while I wait for that time to come to those I love, I must be patient. Because others have waited for it to come to me.

      And even though I don't see it clearly yet, there is still so much that life has to teach me. I hope I have the time.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Verify CODE

You know when you write a comment on a post , or are confirming an order and you are requested to reply to the little ( usually grey) box with the words  . . .  ENTER ENCRYPTED CODE?

 Am I the only person that has absolutely no clue on what the numbers or letters are supposed to be?
Why are the words and numbers slanted and overlapping each other?

It looks like the code has been out on a drinking binge and we are supposed to figure out what in the hell it's saying.

Most of the time (I'm embarrassed to admit), I have to type in several attempts before I get it right. Who thinks of this stuff anyway? Is there someone making up the program saying to themselves "I bet they won't get this one?" I can see the encryptors (is that what they would be called?) all sitting around laughing at how clever they are. I haven't let them get the best of me though. I'l fake it as best I can.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Allergic to Jeans

     I really love jeans.
     Especially the ones with long skinny legs and are low slung on the hip. They look great on and are cute and sexy. The go with everything. Everything that is except ME.
     Unfortunately. I don't have the body shape for those jeans. My waist is thicker, I have a bit of a belly, my thighs  touch, and I'm short. Not exactly a model for jeans. (Wow, it sounds like I described myself as a troll. It's not as bad as that.)
     I'm really a very girly girl and I do love dresses and skirts. I find they flatter my figure much more and I feel more confidant in them. But there are times when skirts and dresses don't work. And times when the look calls for casual and jeans are the perfect choice.  I feel like no matter what, a skirt tends to be more dressed up. And with a long skirt you have to be alert to Little House on the Prarie looks. But that is still preferred over the camel toe effect that pants can give you.
     I  look for inspirations and have made a pact with myself NOT to buy clothing unless I am happy with how it fits before purchase. Will there be a pair of jeans that fit and look good on me in my future???? That is an evolution in itself.
     Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I've started  to work on the body a bit.  Although the possibilty and probability of my aspirations are limited by genetics and a lack compulsive desires to exercise and diet forever.  Maybe I'll add some wishful thinking. After all, it's about attitude, right?

Sunday, July 4, 2010

At Night

At night when no one can see
is when the real "me" comes out to think and be free.
Our true selves and thoughts are hidden in the sun
We smile, seem happy and act out for fun.
In the dark, we can be true to ourselves
No fear of "me" being exposed
At morning we put our secrets back on the shelf
And wait for the night
So we can again be true to ourself.

Friday, July 2, 2010


     I know a secret about someone who was once in my life. A secret that they would be devastated if anyone knew. This person knows that I know this secret, in fact I have spent years helping them to camoflage it. We have long gone our separate ways and I have not divulged their secret even though they have said  hurtful things to me and to others about me. They have done this, telling of partial truths about me, to those that I hold dear, in order to make them turn away from me. They said they would do this if I ended my relationship with them, but I didn't think anyone would really believe them. Silly me.
     I have hopes that the people who really love and care about me will come around and realize that I am not the person that I have been painted to be. The reason they can't believe it is because it is not true. It is all that I can say. Perception.  A need to put anger in the lap of someone. Don't believe the things that are said by another who has a vengeful  tongue, believe what you know is to be true in your heart and judge from your experience. Meanwhile I am being patient, knowing that sometime, they will understand, they will be awakened by a feeling of something is not right about all this. It is hard to let others grow into their own answers, but it is the only way. I have an ache that lies heavy in my heart and yet a handful of hope that burns that eternal flame of things to come. i just hope I will not be too tired when it finally arrives.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Promises to girlfriends

     Some years back when the hormones began to jump ship, several of my same aged girlfriends and I made a pact.

     Now in the lieu of more important things in life, this is way down the list. But I assure you, on the minds of women everywhere, they just don't bring it up.

     We promised that should any of us become very ill, drift into a coma or become disabled in any way, that we would be there for each other. We would do what we couldn't do for ourselves anymore at that time. Yes, we will come to the hospital, home, or even rehab or convalescent quarters armed to do the job. When all others are out of the room, we will search for, identify and and promptly remove (with our sharp and slanted tweezers) all stray chin hairs that sprout like frogs after a rain.

Now, what better friends can you ask for?